This Total Giving Syndrome (may have to Trademark that) is genetically encoded in the women of my family. And as the law of attraction is perfect - I saw the behavior in many of my former
friends WAY before I saw it in myself. I did not identify and break it until just about five years ago. For me, I was the RESCUER.
I could fix anything or anyone and I’d give to you and ignore my own messy, empty life. The Rescuer is just one version of a Total Giver. I’ve spotted the THE NURSE (helps all the sick people in the world), THE BANK (fixes
everything with money and gifts), THE ALL MOM (mothers everyone, takes in “strays” to form a ‘can’t leave’ family- men do this too).
Total givers give to ensure that people love them.
They give to defend against
people leaving them. They give conditional love -conditioned upon the recipient behaving in a certain way. That is why Total Givers are actually crippled emotionally. The giving is FEAR based and no good can ever come of actions based in fear.
Have you ever tried to give to a Total Giver? They won't let you. They are frightened of receiving love because subconsciously they know from past experience that love has conditions on it and
subconsciously they feel that giving the love is the power (not actually true).
They won’t sit down at a party. They will cook all night. They go way further than they have to go because they need to secure your “love.” In dating, these people become the folks we have to sneak away on because we can’t seem to walk out the door in the open without feeling
guilty.
Every gift you receive through the channel of another person is the Universe providing for you. When you shut down other people attempting to give to you and do not accept their kindnesses, you are rejecting the good the Universe has for you. Refusing to receive love only happens out of fear.
What if a Total Giver let you love them? If they let themselves receive your love then they could lose it… Then it can be taken from them… They could
become unworthy of it… These are the fears Total Givers combat by always giving and never receiving.
Beware: is very easy to fall into a relationship with a Total Giver because they are… well… so giving. It feels good in the beginning but then it begins to feel unbalanced. You always feel like you're in a hole and there's nothing you can do to get out of the hole because the Total Giver actually wants you in that hole. Do they know this? No. Not
consciously. This is subconscious ego pattern they can’t see.
When a Total Giver asks for something – this is usually done indirectly or passive aggressively (Ex: You aren’t using that? Wow, that would sure be nice to have. Oh well, you are busy…)
You don't feel you have right or free will to say no. After all, look at all they’ve DONE FOR YOU. If you try to say
no they are outraged at the violation of the deal: that they give you everything (often composed mostly of service, help and stuff you don’t really want) so it is implied that you can refuse nothing.
So what to do if you are a Total Giver or know a Total Giver?
