Why can't I go?

It's not that there are no chances or spots or places to for me to be

It's not that I actually totally cannot see

It's just when these opportunities come and FIND me

There's always a "NO" inside that blinds me

But still I read the books and into conferences I go

I felt the 'A-ha' a hundred times and then thought "NOW I know!"

Yet...still...why can't I go?

The law says there's only love and fear gives ever a bad end

But I still I lash out in anger at my family and my friends

Tanya shows choices and actions. Just start. Hey, here's how 

I believe her. I know she's right. And I'll do it. Just...not...now.

Then I start to spin and start wondering again WHO I am

And the softest whisper in my heart reminds me that - I CAN

And still I find 1000 ways to pretend I don't say NO

My new life is knocking - why the hell can't I go?

It's the money, I don't have it and maybe the kids, they need me too

But I feel like a fraud every time I don't do what I should do

I wish there was a button, a pill or a potion

There's got to be something for FREE that will keep my butt in motion

And every time I have the chance - whenever it comes by

I say next time, tomorrow, maybe later. And then I wonder... why?

I know there is no perfect timing, no way to be secure

I know that putting things off never "sparks" a cure

I WANT to change. I WANT to serve. Oh God please help me grow.

And still I have no reason, with ALL this truth I know…

So very clear that love and joy depend on seeds I sow -

so, why, oh why...why don't I just MAKE myself go?

Tanya Stewart, Esq. (c) 2016