Why can't I go?
It's not that there are no chances or spots or places to for me to be
It's not that I actually totally cannot see
It's just when these opportunities come and FIND me
There's always a "NO" inside that blinds
me
But still I read the books and into conferences I go
I felt the 'A-ha' a hundred times and then thought "NOW I know!"
Yet...still...why can't I go?
The law says there's only love and fear
gives ever a bad end
But I still I lash out in anger at my family and my friends
Tanya shows choices and actions. Just start. Hey, here's how
I believe her. I know she's right. And I'll do it. Just...not...now.
Then I start to spin and start wondering again WHO I am
And the softest whisper in my heart reminds me that - I
CAN
And still I find 1000 ways to pretend I don't say NO
My new life is knocking - why the hell can't I go?
It's the money, I don't have it and maybe the kids, they need me too
But I feel like a fraud every time I don't do what I should do
I wish there was a button, a pill or a potion
There's got to be something for
FREE that will keep my butt in motion
And every time I have the chance - whenever it comes by
I say next time, tomorrow, maybe later. And then I wonder... why?
I know there is no perfect timing, no way to be secure
I know that putting things off never "sparks" a cure
I WANT to change. I WANT to serve. Oh God please help me grow.
And still I have no reason, with ALL this truth I know…
So very clear that love and joy depend on seeds I sow -
so, why, oh why...why don't I just MAKE myself go?
Tanya Stewart, Esq. (c)
2016