Today's TRAINING:
Let’s get you a Bad Pattern to work with today.
What is My Bad Pattern?
Make a list of 5-10 bad
situations in your life. Like divorce, job loss, feud with your brother, etc. While it is easiest if you have REPEATING situations (3 men broke your engagement or 2+ best friends who freaked out on you), it is not necessary.
Look down the list clinically, like you are NOT you. Look for…the pattern in YOU. What did you do in all of these situations? Sometimes, it is not what you do, but what you
constantly think or fear. Most of your BPs are too subtle for you to spot but you should find at least one obvious one.
Now for the shortcut, ask your best friend because they KNOW what your pattern is. They may not want to be blunt and tell you, but tell them you want it so you can fix it or just sent them this training.
For today, we are going to use a fairly common Bad Pattern – Great Starter, Poor Finisher Pattern (aka “The All In Begin, Epic Fail End”). That is a pattern where you start STRONG. You are on board. Ready to go and pushing hard. In fact, too hard. You redline it in overdrive. You go All In in the beginning and either fizzle out or melt down just before the finish line.
Predictable result? Everyone rushes in to comfort and pity you for your “near” success. You get PRAISE for your Bad Pattern instead of “WTF is the matter with you?” THAT keeps you stuck in the loop.
#1 Bad Pattern That Keeps Tripping You Up
Humans are a collection of habits. Your brain doesn’t even like to think, did you know that? It prefers to take in “new” data and match it to the closest pattern or template it has and then use that OLD response to your NEW situation.
So if you had a guy stay out really late without calling and then it turns out he cheated on you -> WHAMMO. Pattern formed! Now you
get twitchy if anyone is out late without constant checking in.
Patterns that are made with strong emotion form a scar & can cement from a SINGLE toxic event.
Your patterns are making you or breaking you. The
moment your conscious attention slips from fatigue, distraction or emotion, your pattern takes over. It is nearly impossible to consciously override your strongest patterns (subconscious programming) by effort or will. The pattern must be deliberately broken and re-written for successful outcomes.
#2 Reason To Break That
Pattern
You have your pattern or are using my common sample? Good. Now we need a reason for you to kick this sucker. Do not SKIP this part. It’s not a fanciful woo-woo step. Without this your attempt will fail.
Humans are wired to seek and MAINTAIN comfort. Without a
problem making us do something different, our conscious minds LOVE maintaining the status quo.
Ever wonder why PAIN outsells chances at growth/pleasure or improvement/prevention? Now you know. PAIN says, change something. No pain? No Gain (as in reason to act).
If I ran an ad that
said, “Improve Your Marriage for More Happiness $97” versus “Stop Your Divorce and Save Yourself Legal Fees $97” be honest – which one seems more valuable? Point made.
I teach your reason is most powerful when it has BOTH sides of this coin. Not just avoid the legal battle, but your chance at a happily ever after too. Not just lose weight to lessen preventable disease as you age, but feeling attractive to yourself & others.
You need both because your ego, who is NOT on your side (shocker I know) will call BS on your reason as soon as it can and your flip side is your back up.
Great
Starter & Poor Finisher – the sample reasons:
PAIN: PLEASURE:
Crap
Ass Example Set for My Kids Kid See Me Model What I Require
People Don’t Trust Me & Neither Do I I’ll Be Able to Trust Myself to Get
Things Done
My Money is Inconsistent b/c I Am Too I’ll Make More Money
Unfinished Things Give Crazy Work Stress Work Is Easier When I’m
On Schedule
#3 Willingness To Trust It’s Actually “You” (Because It IS)
Lastly, we need you to stop blaming your PATTERN on
other PEOPLE. I have a saying, “It’s Your Pattern, Not the People.” Meaning, stop looking around for external events to explain why it’s NOT you.
If you don’t own the pattern is from you, you cannot shift it and your denial is resistance.
If you’ve heard my Self-Love Coaching call, I
explain the moment when I uncovered my old BP of attracting men who fall in love with me and then just DISAPPEARED. I did this a crazy number of times, 7 or 9. And then, one day in my kitchen it occurred me. F! It must be ME. (BP Spotted!)
For years, friends agreed I had found ANOTHER a$%hole. Imagine my shock when I realized it was me! My BP was “fearing abandonment”, so I attracted people who’d
leave. Nothing like a good old fashioned abandonment wound! (Healed it!)
Get it? Take your pattern, review your life and own all the disasters your BP has created. And yes, the pattern often manifests in multiple areas, if not all. Great Starter, Poor Finisher shows up simultaneously in money, health, relationships and career VERY
EASILY.
Let’s Break that BP
When we were children we were taught if you caught Fire - Stop. Drop. And ROLL.
Noticing a harmful pattern is just like being on FIRE. I want you to:
STOP the pattern.
DROP your resistance.
ROLL out a new plan.
Stop the Pattern
How? Just notice it.
Awareness is 80% of it, I promise. In the beginning, you will have to consciously check for your pattern. Like a bug you saw crawl in the house, assume it’s still there if
you didn’t squish it yet.
Drop Your Resistance
How? Just own it.
Save time and stress by not freaking out when you spot it at work. YOU are not a bad person. YOU have a bad habit. You
are fixing it. Give yourself some love. NOW is when you pull out your reason.
If your main reason is strong enough, you’ll shut up, stop blaming and own it.
And no backsliding into, “…if Wendy had gotten me the documents sooner…” Wendy got you the docs late because your pattern of Epic Fail requires
some kind of landmine occur near the end to stop or distract you. If she’d been on time, you’d have still found a way to hit your pattern, trust me.
Roll Out a New Plan
How? Do something different. Anything opposite the pattern
works.
If you usually wait until the last moment to start, start earlier. Always 5 mins late for an appointment? Require more buffer time. Figure out one thing you can do to interrupt the bad pattern so it doesn’t run its full course.
I told my client yesterday, ask yourself 10x a day, “How can I break my
pattern today?”
If your BP is yelling at kids when you are tired, when you catch yourself jump up and down 3 times while clapping (something silly). It acts as a pattern interrupt (mental manual override!) and then you can choose differently.
Poor finishers need to start finishing every single thing
they start, no exceptions, to build the new pattern of finishing.
Your patterns are the clearest evidence of what you REALLY believe, not just what you WANT to believe. They show me the dark corners where your ego is hiding. You cannot fix what you do not SEE and acknowledge as broken, so spotting the places where you continually get “derailed” is
critical.
Once you’ve got one, STOP, DROP and ROLL.
P.S. Other Common Bad Patterns? "I Need a
Fight to Win", "I Don't Start Until It's a Crisis", "The Love or Money", "The Rescuer (see The Dark Side of Giving) and about 5 more sub-versions of Bad Finisher (Self-Sabotage, Fizzle Outer, Noble Distraction...) 
