(Warning: I will tell you HOW in 10 words and then spend 800 explaining why you should believe the first 10 that you didn’t like.)
Answer: Always assume your actions tell more truth than your intentions.
Step 1: Look At Your Actions.
I’m a coach and folks come to me to fix their big stuck issues.
And despite what you may believe, there are only a handful of big stuck issues: someone doesn’t love me (i.e. I don’t love me), I can’t lose weight (i.e. I don’t love me), I can’t make money (i.e. I don’t trust me) and I can’t reach/do my life purpose (i.e. I don’t trust me).
So…look at your actions. What is it that you keep doing before, during or after the thing you are worrying about? In the
case of weight loss, it might be clear to see that you don’t have the requisite discipline or will power to do what you know to do. But that is not a deep enough question! Why don’t you show up for yourself? Why are your actions pretty much the exact opposite of what you know you SHOULD do?
If your life was a silent movie, would anyone KNOW what you say you believe or
want? Would your actions show people what you SAY you believe in? Or would they paint the opposite picture? I coached an Alpha that sold health products that wouldn’t stop smoking. That didn’t work out. Her actions were speaking so loud no one could hear what she was saying…
Step 2: Decide Your Actions Are True and Your INTENTIONS Are False.
The road to hell is paved with… yep…you said it in your head! GOOD INTENTIONS. Why is that old adage still repeated? Because it is true! Most of the greatest evils are done in the name of someone with GOOD INTENTIONS. Why? Because ego knows
you’ll put up at least a little resistance to doing what you know is wrong, so we white wash it with GOOD INTENTIONS.
In my marriage, long before the divorce, I’d ask my husband how it was that he could look at me – tell me he was sorry over and over for the same behavior and then go do the same darn thing AGAIN.
He was devastated by my not believing his INTENTION to love me. My marriage taught me that my belief on this was weird. I focus on people’s results rather than their intentions (a coaching skillset!). He wanted credit for TRYING (even though he kept failing the same task for years).
The world has gone soft. It is demanding equal credit for trying. For intending. For hoping. Stop it!
If you are a commission sales person you really get this – you do not get paid for people who INTEND to buy your product. No commissions are paid on calls you INTENDED to make.
Alphas
giving others credit for their intentions do this for one very important reason – they don’t want to be judged by the 'results standard' either!
Your actions are telling you what you really believe beneath what you INTEND to
believe.
- You intend to believe you want to lose weight, your actions say our weight is okay now.
- You intend to save money, your bank account says you like spending it more than saving it.
- You
intend to have a healthy relationship, your actions say you are still needy & hoping to get what you can’t yet give – trust.
- You intend to find & live your purpose, your actions say you don’t keep your commitments to yourself.
Step
3: Given Your Actions and Choices, What MUST You Believe?
Rubber meets road time. Given that you don’t eat well, don’t sleep well, don’t exercise well and view food as a source of love – what MUST you believe?
That losing weight isn’t necessary right now. Totally NOT
URGENT because you are afraid of it. Something about it is linked to a deep fear and you need it to not be your fault. All that subconscious junk keeps you from acting in alignment with your conscious
intentions.
Step 4: Admit the Truth That You Really DO Believe the Awful Thing from Step 3
That truth will often be dead opposite of what you say you want. Do you see it? That’s why you’ve never been able to GET anywhere on your big stuck issue Alpha. You have been at cross purposes to yourself all along.
The deep truth that you have continually sabotaged exactly the thing you have MOST wanted is painful. Usually you have blocked your good for
DECADES. Since it WAS you blocking it, you can release it honey!
Step 5: Without Lying About What You Formerly Believed, Begin Stating the Truth
You are NOT allowed to just say “I want to lose weight” or “I want to make money” or “I’m ready now for my true Alpha Mate.” Those are the “lies” that have held you stuck. You must tell the truth which is “I’ve been in my own way but I am ready now to begin WANTING what I say I want.”
- I never lost weight before because part of me didn’t
want to. I own that and am changing it now.
- I could never make and keep money before because part of me was afraid to. I own that and am changing it now.
- I couldn’t get and keep a healthy relationship before I didn’t think he existed or would want me. I own that and am changing it now.
+ And I am proud of me for facing this ugly truth that I’m SOO ready to change!
That is how you self-diagnose a big stuck Issue and get it turned in the right direction!
Your actions are telling you what you REALLY believe. Accept it and then it can be changed. Continue to pretend that it’s a fluke that you are 40 lbs overweight and soon you’ll
hit 50. (No matter how overweight you are, once it was just 5 manageable pounds that got 'good intentioned'...)
When you do the work to change your beliefs, the actions that align with the new beliefs just flow into place. Believing you SHOULD adjust your actions before adjusting your beliefs, is a common failure causing Alphas to struggle.
I told you that you wouldn’t LIKE it. But we are Alphas and we are strong enough to do what works. And this works if you can feel safe enough to tell the truth about yourself. It really does set you free.
