4 Steps to Deciding Anything: Clarity 🗒️

Published: Wed, 04/13/22

Photo of Tanya, Coach for Alpha Women Entrepreneurs

4 Steps to Deciding Anything: #2 Clarity

Time for Step #2 of 4 in my 4 Step Formula for making ANY kind of committed decision (or figuring out why you are stuck).

1. Commitment

2. Clarity

3. Choices

4. Action

How many times have you thought, “If I could just get clear about this?!”

Let’s do exactly that Alphas.

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Step #2 TRAINING:

Clarity

To get Clarity around your decisions, look for what’s in your way.

The Clarity question to set yourself up for success is

“What is likely to screw me up or slow me down if I start taking steps towards my Committed Value?”

Truth please.

#2 Clarity is always all about telling yourself the truth.

Here you’re going to look for and identify all the ways you have historically derailed yourself in the past and in Step 3 Choices we’ll eliminate those. But you gotta spot them first!

Let’s say your value is Healthy Marriage. You Commit to having a Healthy Marriage. Awesome! Now...what’s blocked that from happening thus far?

And I know it’s tempting to just point at him. What’s gotten in the way on YOUR end?

Look for these: places you don’t speak up, places you don’t want what you really want, places you sacrifice to keep others happy, places where you endure in silence, places where you expect perfect performance from him or you, places where you pretend “that doesn’t matter or hurt”.

Here I am introducing a new acroynym.

S.F.L. I’ll give you two of the words.

STOP @#!%@ Lying.

SFL to yourself.

Stop Freakin Lying to yourself. It allows in Clarity.

If you are doing all of those things, you are not yet committed to a Healthy Marriage. #Truth.

To get wherever you are committing to go, you must know how YOU previously stopped you. And next up, handle it.

BIG DANGER: Not spotting the predictable hazards on your path because you are not looking, pretending to be superwoman, don’t want to deal with what you’ll see or it’s easier to focus on their issues.

Any reason you use to hide from any ugly truths (i.e. lie to yourself) blocks the energy of Clarity. Don’t do it.

4 Steps to Deciding Anything: Clarity 🗒️

If you’re going to build a financially strong business

and know you have weak integrity around managing money - you need to face that ugly truth.

You need to look it dead in the eye before you can ever correct it or delegate it or figure out some other way to cover it. Hiding from your weakness will slow any dream down.

Example: If you have a busy time coming in your business and you know that your children or your lover distracts you – Clarity requires you to tell the truth about how distractible you are from your Commitment.

Most Alphas are born Rescuers. So if your mate or your children send any type of “distress call” – you will probably drop everything and rush to their aid, whether they really need you or not. Yes or yes?

And do you remember the ancient video game called Pitfall? The adventurer goes to the jungle and he has to swing on a vine over tar and traps and crocodiles. You have to be able to figure out in advance where your tar, traps and crocodiles are that kill your Commitment!

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Perfectionist Note:

Clarity from your past often reveals you feel

everything you do has to be perfect, so you don’t DO anything.

Listen carefully: you WILL screw up along the way! If you are in any kind of a relationship (personal, family, business or otherwise) where your performance must always be A level, you’re in deep trouble Alpha.

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If you find that you are NOT good at spotting and telling the truth about ways your new decision can & will go sideways, bring in a friend or a coach like me. Other people can see into your blind spots because our ego is not hiding the information from us..

What value am I Committed to?

What usually STOPS me?

In Joy,

P.S. When you spot your traps, you must do something to fix them. (We’ll get into CHOICES next week.)

Mitigate them. Avoid, swerve, deter and otherwise solve them before

you get going. The keyword in that sentence was… Before.

Tanya’s US Tour:

The planning required to travel from Australia (through the Middle East), back to the US , after 2.5 years - going first to Chicago (freezing), then Dallas (hot), finally LA (cool) and have a movie star style photo shoot there, followed by a personal vacation with 2 suitcases bordered on mind bending!

I got stressed. So I went through my steps.

I Committed to the Value of Ease for my US Tour. I decided I don’t want to push or force anything. Just not available for that feeling, the accompanying exhaustion or frustration.

Clarity: How do I screw up my trips and make travel hard?
My history would have me get stressed when things didn’t go to plan (like the insomniac, 1 year old, horror movie screamer, right next to me on my last 15 hour flight leg 😂).

And I’d get stressed and feel I had to fix things when family didn’t meet my expectations (usually based on MY values, not their more flexible ones. Lol).

Since I KNEW how I shot myself in the foot before. This time...I haven’t.

I’d paid for a nice seat and wasn’t open to moving to a less nice seat. So I decided I would not resist her crying. Please understand, my decision did NOT stop her from making noise for about 13 hours.

It DID have her fall in love with me. We bonded. She slept part on my lap. She insisted on holding my hand every time she caught my eye. I was secretly delighted by this. And I helped her exhausted mom.

We talked (very verbal this one, squeals mostly but she WAS trying to talk!). I WAS tired but I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t resisting. Clarity from my old habits made the untenable situation bearable.

***In the future, I will carry Children’s Tylenol, as her mom didn’t know you can and should drug kids for 15 hour flights in my opinion!!

Family being family? Just noticed it and high fived myself in my head that I hadn’t pinned my hopes on anything in particular.

Because I stayed so loving and easy, my family has...EXCEEDED any expectation I would ever have dreamed of! Boom.

Clarity lead to my powerful Choices above. Stay tuned...More on Choices next week! I’ll be in Dallas by then :-)

Helping High Achievers Transform Stressful Marriages

After her 2011 divorce, Tanya set out to learn WHY soo many marriages fail. She used what she learned to save her 2nd marriage and found her calling to Save YOURS too.

She is a 22-year Divorce Lawyer, Founder of a High-Conflict Divorce Firm, Author of 'The Smart Guide to Life After Divorce', Mensa Member, Advanced Clinically Certified in Hypnotherapy, Metaphysics PhD Candidate, Spiritual Teacher, Speaker & Life Coach.

Her coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor.

Her greatest credential is finally separating Struggle from Success in Life & Marriage.

Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: www.FearlessFocusCoaching.com/Resources