All you have to remember is do not INVALIDATE their fear as your first move.
Example:
Your relationship is healing and you are excited. Things are going well.
In comes well meaning friend with…”Well what if he…”
and “Keep your guard up…” and my favorite “I’m worried FOR you.”
This is NOT the moment to tell them that they’re wrong, that they’re suffering from OSDS, that they need to read all my stuff and they should leave you the heck alone!
That will fail spectacularly, trust me.
You handle other peoples OSDS with the empathy of validating their fear first and then gently making a small amount of space for the remote possibility that things can…CONTINUE TO GO WELL.
So someone you love hits you with the “I’m worried FOR you…”
Translation, “you are doing a poor job of focusing on your old fears and past painful history, so thank goodness you have ME to do it FOR you!”
They are seeking your praise for this “noble” service you used to LOVE them doing and your agreement with their fear based view.
You are not their coach.
Give it to them!
New You: “Oh my gosh, thank you soo much. You are soo right, everything I did with X used to suck! Things have been better and who knows, maybe it’ll keep going? But I’m watching. Thank you!”
Dissection: In that short & easy reply notice the pieces ->
Thank you +
Validation of their fear +
Small, innocent kernel of positive truth +
Opening possibility of good continuing +
Agreement with the need for vigilance +
Last, wrap the whole bundle up in another Thank you.
Boom.
It works.
You are now empowered to handle your OSDS Alpha! Do it.
