The Alpha Grief Handbook: The Problems of Traditional Grieving 🌹🪦

Published: Wed, 08/09/23

Photo of Tanya, Coach for Alpha Women Entrepreneurs

You Don’t Need To Grieve Like Society Says

and If You Do, It Can Hurt You.

I will teach you later this month, as my gift, how to grieve differently.

But first I have to show you WHY they way it’s usually done, isn’t healthy.

Let’s take a fast look at how we grieve.

The Alpha Grief Handbook: The Problems of Traditional Grieving 🌹🪦

What’s Wrong With How We Grieve

1. Suppression

2. Speed

3. Support

Suppression.

As an Alpha woman, your bread and butter is the suppression of your emotions, to facilitate your ability to help others or control a situation.

Grieving is absolutely no exception to this rule. You suppress your grief.

A loved one dies and you go immediately into OA (Over Alpha-ing).

You’ve become so busy with the funeral, and the flowers,

and the phone calls, and the arrangements in the hospital,

and the doctors...that you don’t leave yourself time to grieve.

That is intentional. Because you don’t know HOW to let yourself feel gutted and frightened, you leave as little space as possible for that to happen in.

Speed.

In western society, we expect people to be speedy with their grief. There’s an unspoken requirement that you be able to get back to fully operational as soon as possible so you don’t "disadvantage” anyone else with your grief.

Here’s your general rule:

the more that you suppress your grief,

the longer it will take for you to feel it,

and for it to ease naturally.

This is why so many people have to be medicated today. Because they don’t allow enough space for emotions and feelings to abate naturally. We actually try to speed them up.

Support.

Alpha women understand that grief requires a great deal of support. You know that everyone needs support and you make sure that THEY get it. You just don’t understand that YOU require a great deal of support too!

Grief is natural and comes in waves. Just like waves in the ocean, if you set something up to resist an ocean wave, it gets worn down over time or knocked over. Resistance is never the way.

Resisting your grief is a recipe for disaster.

At best, you can buy yourself a little time,

but basically you create a ticking time bomb

that at some point will explode.

And usually that point is when

you can least afford to take time out.

If you do not want your grief to explode out of the internal closets and drawers you stuffed it in, and overwhelm you, and cause you physical and mental problems - you want to handle your grief in the waves it arrives on.

I will give you a non-death related example to grief.

Almost every single one of you knows a woman who has been divorced for years and it’s still incredibly angry. In a lot of cases, probably even most cases, that anger is the socially acceptable face of her hurt and grief over what happened in her marriage.

She. Has. Never. Handled. It.

If you don’t handle your grief, it will handle you.

It can turn to a bile of resentment and guilt and cripple you.

It can make you bitter and poison your children’s relationship with their other parent.

The women that tell their children all sorts of horrible things about their father, and attempt to actively interfere with the children’s affection for their parent? The women that lose their mind when the guy remarries or gets a girlfriend?

I promise you, these are women who have never properly grieved the death of the relationship, so the relationship is still "alive" for them. Because they haven’t let that relationship die, they cannot move on and everything they see is an active affront to them. They are eternally offended.

You can (and perhaps should)

grieve the loss of anything that was important to you.

A job, a dream, a friendship, a marriage, a partnership,

a book deal, a weight loss goal (Alpha A!).

And this will sound odd, but you should even grieve the loss of a fantasy. We create fantasies about how our life “should be." And these fantasies are very powerful. When we come into contact with the truth, that makes that fantasy impossible, like the man really doesn’t love us , it’s necessary to grieve the loss of the fantasy too.

Your assignment is to ask yourself what do you need to grieve properly for, that you haven’t? And then make space for that grieving Alpha.

Remember, you need to lovingly and naturally handle your grief,

or it will handle you .

Society says you can rush this process, but they are just wrong.

Grieve so you can fully live again.

In Joy,

P.S. I admire the Jewish tradition of sitting Shiva. Their faith has created entire process for grieving, which includes an entire week of time to feel your pain without others trying to MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER SO THEY AREN’T MADE UNCOMFORTABLE BY YOUR DISPLAY OF GRIEF.

In my stepmom’s, close knit, retirement community in Texas, there was a steady stream of Support coming to our door with a cards, cash and food.

Shortly after my father passed, our neighbor's elderly father passed, who was Jewish. So I got to finally, physically attend a sitting of Shiva after years of recommending it as a respectful process to my Alphas. Beautiful.

Helping High Achievers Transform Stressful Marriages

After her 2011 divorce, Tanya set out to learn WHY soo many marriages fail. She used what she learned to save her 2nd marriage and found her calling to Save YOURS too.

She is a 25-year Divorce Lawyer, Founder of a High-Conflict Divorce Firm, Author of 'The Smart Guide to Life After Divorce', Mensa Member, Advanced Clinically Certified in Hypnotherapy, Metaphysics PhD Candidate, Spiritual Teacher, Speaker & Life Coach.

Her coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor.

Her greatest credential is finally separating Struggle from Success in Life & Marriage.

Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: www.FearlessFocusCoaching.com/Resources

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