We Fight Out of FEAR of NOT GETTING

Although we will talk about how and why we fight with our family and friends next week, it IS family that started this whole mess. Our families destabilized us by emotionally abandoning us early on, in some way.

When we arrive ready to have a relationship, we have a fear inside of us of not being loved or safe. We don’t trust our man to show up for us and to stay. Unfortunately, we’d learned to make our juvenile world safe by playing commander-in-chief and fighting to get what we need.

So, in the beginning we pursue men who are very similar to us and then fight with them.

THEY are in their masculine (and usually it’s not a healthy masculine, it’s more of an asshole-ish masculine because we don’t pick well at this stage) and WE are in our masculine. It’s like putting two roosters in the same pen – does NOT work.

We will use a baking analogy all through this series. We decide what we want as our cake and we set out to give our “order” directly to him. We want him to remake himself. He should do the mixing this way and the icing this way and use this kind of frosting…

When we try to fix another person, they resent it and fight. It makes them feel like they’re not already good enough. This is ‘like to like’ or the Law of Attraction. The Alpha herself does not feel good enough, because of her initial abandonment, so we find men who are also not good enough.  Then we attempt to fix them.

We do not feel that we can have a man who is already good enough, so we pick 'fixer uppers' as projects.

Remember, Alphas are RESCUERS. This is the origin of the rescue. Find someone who is wounded and damaged and heal him and then he HAS to love you, right? He won’t leave you, right?

Unfortunately, as you know, that’s not true. But during the Fight Cycle we don’t know that yet. So, we keep finding men that are identical to us (wounded) and fighting to change him into what we need.