We Hide Our Feelings to Stay Safe 

With family, friends and co-workers we take care to add an extra layer of control so they cannot see our true FEELINGS. 

Remember, from our families at a young age, we are  taught to be afraid and expect disappointments, abandonments, isolation, abuse and neglect. That leads us to not trust our own value and decisions. That means we can't trust anybody! (Our very DECISION to trust Person X is suspicious to us.)

Since we are convinced they ARE out to get us, we cannot let them see we aren't always pulled together. We cannot show weakness. Alphas are apex predators and showing weakness invites attack in predator world. 

Once those pesky feelings are safely hidden we can get back to making CERTAIN we get our needs met. We only resort to force if absolutely necessary - we prefer BUYING our love with our Alpha super skills. 

Alphas are mercenaries with family, friends and in the workplace by selling our Planning, Analyzing, Crisis Management and Independence skills (See the Double Edged Sword of these Traits HERE).

We control people by rescuing them from whatever is chasing them (predators remember??)

I saved you. You owe me LOVE. 

We try to arrange everything to protect ourselves from our fears. But this can NEVER work. Despite appearances, your fears are INSIDE of you and their symptoms keep out-picturing OUTSIDE of you. You are fighting the SHADOW, not what caused it!

Example: Overweight is never about the cookies. It's about what makes you feel vulnerable and afraid that drives you to SEEK the cookies. 

Here is something very important to know.  Control is an Alpha's "go to" when we are hurt, overwhelmed or in crisis. Alphas always "right their ship" by increasing their control over something or someone. So when your world spins, you will squeeze those around you tighter to protect yourself. 

All this controlling and rescuing repels healthy relationships and convinces us we are indeed on our own. So we keep struggling harder and longer. 

Those around you love you and hate you. 

Most Alphas have entered the Control Life Cycle and stay there the remainder of their lives, never reaching the Surrender Cycle. Don't let that be you. 

Build a better internal foundation so you can feel safe and loved by you. Then you don't NEED those around you to donate to your emotional fundraiser before they are ready.