You Are Up! It's Your Turn
Play God for yourself by releasing your anger over your origins. "What do you mean Tanya?"
Step 1:
Pick out a piece of your past that was terrible. Really quite awful. One that you probably asked God to stop or change but it happened anyway.
The job loss. The break up. The health thing. The miscarriage. The bad loan. The foreclosure. The divorce. Whatever it is.
Step 2:
Now. Play God and write yourself a note in the PRESENT telling you WHY that bad thing happened and how it HELPED YOU (i.e., what it "taught" you).
Step 3:
Allow the truth that you would not be who you are NOW, but for the past being exactly as it was, including the hard things. Anything you LOVE would not be there or be the same.
You cannot have it both ways. You cannot hate your past and love your present. If you hate your past, you are subconsciously hating your present and sabotaging yourself in some way.
PLAY GOD FOR YOURSELF. End the "works in mysterious ways" part and sit down and write yourself the note. You MUST write it out. You need to see this. You need to hang on to this. You need to look at it a day later and READ it again.
I had a miscarriage in my first marriage. I've healed that and this would've been the note, had I known to do this then:
Dearest, precious girl. My Tanya.
Do you forget I love you? I see you always. I knew your pain. Your grief nearly broke my heart too but I knew. I knew what life held for you. I knew that child meant THAT marriage and that was not where I wanted you to be. That was not where YOU wanted you to be. I have called you as my own, to teach my people. I have led you to find love in yourself. Joy in your
work. Know that this challenge was part of the path to your present joy. It made you free your heart to really love and serve. I am proud of you and I have given you "children" all over the world to love and mother. Be not afraid. I go before you always.
God
Healed or not, that made me cry. Your note need not be fancy or long. Just sit and Play God for yourself. Explain to YOU one reason your past should be forgiven and let those tears flow. My tears are recognition of how COMFORTED I felt reading those words just now, that I know are true.
Play God for YOURSELF