#1 Give Attention Without Asking
You are going to hate this analogy but it works...5 year old little one who wants your attention. They may start out asking nicely while tugging your clothes but they WILL graduate to pouting, screaming, breaking things and plain old tantrums to get your time.
Why? Attention is ENERGETIC CURRENCY. We are programmed since birth that your Mother's attention equates to EVERYTHING GOOD (food, comfort, safety, reassurance, fun and rewards).
We have NOT changed much.
High achievers are considered high achievers because they have gotten very skilled at getting what they want, right?
There is not a woman out there reading this that wouldn't feel more loved if her mate started paying her more attention. And it's not just "you", it is the things you LIKE, the things you WORRY ABOUT.
Men, when you remember to ask your wife about a long term project without HER bringing you the latest update - you pay her loving attention.
Life moves so fast and stress is so constant that we don't notice that our attention tends to flow from one emergency to the next. From the squeaky wheel to the urgent demand. We are not CONDITIONED to intentionally give our attention to that which is NOT in danger.
Yet this is precisely how we keep any relationship from falling into the red.
Decide to "Pay Attention" (currency remember?) when it's not needed and you won't have to attend to your wife in a state of meltdown or explosion.
Men: Send her text during the middle of the day. "I don't know what's on your plate right now but I can't wait to get home to you tonight."
Women: My darlings. I KNOW you hate to ask. I know. I know. But the alternative is you get into a deep needing place and start resenting your husband for not PREVENTING you from getting there!
The compromise is to ask for how you want to FEEL and not the specific behavior he "has to do".
Try this Ladies: "Honey, I've been feeling zapped lately, do you think you could find something to do with me tonight/this weekend to remind me I'm pretty?"
This should keep him from feeling too "instructed" and still give you some pleasure as HE comes up with something to do. If he CANNOT or if he asks for your help, GIVE IT!
Men, remember, attention is just you pausing the thing that you are currently calling a priority and inserting HER. I promise you could do this for 2-3 mins and it will make a difference. Mute the tv next time she speaks and watch how she reacts!
Think of the last time you went to your boss or called a mentor and they were clearly doing something IMPORTANT and they laid it aside to help you!
Zing, zing, zing go your heart strings.
Give your attention to your mate before it becomes an emotional crisis and it's EASY.
Some men wait too long and then use her predictable crisis as your excuse for not paying attention to her earlier (that's cheating!).
Regular attention is way better than sporadic flowers!
