#2 Give Appreciation Without Reminding
For any man reading this that’s wondering about this, here’s how this works:
If I tell YOU to tell ME, “thank you for doing extra housework” in preparation for your family to visit, it means that you did NOT notice that A) I
was doing “more than I should“ and B) if you DID notice, it was not important enough for you to mention.
We pretty much take that as – WE are not important enough to you.
Our evidence of unimportance is your lack of Attention (last week’s focus) to what we’re doing and refusal to believe we NEED appreciation.
Men let me help you. If you have this issue with your wife, you likely did not grow up being taught to appreciate your Mom. Yep. That’s pretty much it.
Women, don’t do a victory lap about that!
It means that even if you ask and beg and try to get him to show you appreciation, in the absence of him changing his core belief about appreciation (from optional to a necessity that HE should arrange for) you’re still stuck.
He will make efforts after you complain but it will fade back to his default setting of “appreciation is only for extraordinary stuff”.
Men: Take a look at how you interacted with your mother and your sisters when you were young. Were you verbally appreciative of your mother on a regular basis (Mother’s Day and her birthday and Christmas do not count)?
If not, you never learned the skill or the necessity of appreciation.
If you would like to improve your marriage, you have to spend a few minutes looking at your core belief that you got from your mother, that MOM didn’t need any appreciation and think about how your wife is DIFFERENT from your mom in a good way.
Women: A great deal of the appreciation that you believe you need is often about your ego. Assume 30-60% falls in that category.
What’s left is a genuine human need to have your contribution counted fairly. It stems from early ages where pulling your weight in the tribe meant you were safe, you were protected, you were fed and not abandoned. Serious hard wiring.
There is room for both men and women to grow in Appreciation.
Women, begin by appreciating you may be asking him to perform a skill he genuinely believes is not only optional, but associated with unlikable people.
We are ALL works in progress.
![[Self-Love] A Man’s Guide to His Alpha Woman: #2 Give Appreciation Without Reminding](https://hostedimages-cdn.aweber-static.com/NjQ1MTMw/optimized/ed242779925748c68d866c1af09e5455.png)
