Are you willing to look for it?
Your struggle patterns will show you what your TRIGGERS are. These are the things that make you FIGHT. Your triggers will always be connected to your deepest fears, even if you DON'T know what those are!
Your struggle patterns will show you what your FEAR RESPONSES are. This is the way you (and your partner) learned to protect yourself and handle hurt as a child. These are technically DEFENSE MECHANISMS, but you'll find they have woven themselves in the fabric of your daily life.
Your struggle patterns will show you truths that you are AVOIDING and RESISTING. If you look at those repeated struggles, you'll see the facts that you KEEP DODGING.
Here is a common Struggle Pattern of the Alpha/beta Marriage.
The Alpha "appears" secure but feels insecure and needs her partner to MAKE her feel safer with words of comfort and support. But he doesn't.
He misses the request/cue/demand. The Alpha is TRIGGERED and her deep fear is "I am being abandoned...again."
Her responses are anger and frustration. She yells or does an angry silence or otherwise seeks to make her partner apologize for her pain.
That Fear Response is CONTROL. This is her Défense Mechanism to protect herself.
The Alphas struggle pattern shows truths she is AVOIDING, like her partner has NEVER been good at giving timely emotional support unless she completely melts down or begs for it.
Don't look at WHAT you are arguing about.
Look at WHEN you always argue.
Question why you KEEP FIGHTING over the same things...
Look for the patterns.
If you cannot find them, ASK ME.
If you can, even better. Tell me what you see.
I'll help you break any bad pattern.
