The 4 Secrets to Getting More Love #4: Life Teaches "Barter", Not Love

Published: Wed, 02/24/21

Photo of Tanya, Coach for Alpha Women Entrepreneurs

Secret #4: Life Teaches "Barter", Not Love

Doing which one of these words makes you feel FEAR and which one makes you feel PRIDE?

>> SALES or SACRIFICE <<

Life experience teaches us SALES is bad and SACRIFICE is good.

It teaches Alpha women that the KEY to LOVE is SACRIFICE.

Fill in the blank: A good mom will __________ for her children.

(See! You automatically filled in "sacrifice" with your head.)

We feel fear about Sales (Alphas struggle with this because of their self-worth issues) and Pride over Sacrifice. Not good.

Life has taught us to sell our selves for Love (Barter) and yet be AFRAID of selling our products and services.

Let's look at this a bit closer…

You can't buy love. I repeat, you cannot buy real love.

You can use money to SHOW love but cannot "trade" for it. I see you right now. You are making the "Well, Duh!" face.

The idea of handing someone CASH for love is crazy, you say.

But what about handing them SACRIFICES?

What about handing them excuses? Accepting the marginal?

What about suppressing your needs so THEY don't have to ACKNOWLEDGE their fear of your emotions?

What about all THAT? That is buying love too!

That is BARTER! Trade. Commerce. We Alphas have become experts at bartering our skills for love.

We are natural crisis managers and problem solvers.

So we get involved with folks who have lots of mess. Why? Because we can "take it". And in exchange for taking it, we expect them to praise, approve and love us and NOT leave.

Want more love? Remove the subtle manipulation of "Since I do all this for you... the least you can do for me is __________."

People can FEEL the strings attached and they pull away. Take the barter element out of your love. Do only for them what you'd do if no thanks and no praise would arrive.

That love feels like FREEDOM! It feels like acceptance to whoever you offer it to. It feels like they cannot fail and THAT LOVE GETS RETURNED & MULTIPLED.

In Joy,

P.S It will be very, very hard to break this habit. We are taught sacrifice is the natural role of a loving mother or wife. But think about that...You MODEL sacrifice constantly for your kids, yet are disappointed when they grow up getting taken advantage of or taking advantage of others.

Unfortunately, bartering for love is ALL being raised with sacrifice TEACHES them to do! We do what we praise. Stop giving barter for love. If you want to sell something, sell your products and services but not your love. And yes, I was as guilty of this as you.

Helping High Achievers Transform Stressful Marriages

After her 2011 divorce, Tanya set out to learn WHY soo many marriages fail. She used what she learned to save her 2nd marriage and found her calling to Save YOURS too.

She is a 22-year Divorce Lawyer, Founder of a High-Conflict Divorce Firm, Author of 'The Smart Guide to Life After Divorce', Mensa Member, Advanced Clinically Certified in Hypnotherapy, Metaphysics PhD Candidate, Spiritual Teacher, Speaker & Life Coach.

Her coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor.

Her greatest credential is finally separating Struggle from Success in Life & Marriage.

Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: www.FearlessFocusCoaching.com/Resources