Liking the Dalai Lama yet? Rules 6-10
Thanks for letting me know these are helping you!
There is a reason some teachers are called "Master" with reverence and respect. Let's see what he has to teach us Alphas this week...
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great relationship.
The key to this phrase is not “little dispute“ it is “great relationship.“
The first thing you assess is whether or not this is a great relationship. If it’s a relationship that is balanced between the two parties and is providing needs and wants for each and usually feels good – you have a great relationship.
After you’ve done that assessment, then you look at the size of the dispute.
If it’s a little dispute, get over yourself and your need to be right.
Most often, if you find yourself insisting on the need to be right, in what is otherwise a “little dispute“, it is actually signalling the presence of a deeper, larger dispute that you are NOT attending to.
Sometimes the "little dispute" makes you notice it's a "little relationship." Clean that up and move forward.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
Here is the bit the Dalai Lama missed. He missed the fact that we are not trained or encouraged to “realize we have made a mistake."
No one goes looking for their own error or their own misunderstanding or their own assumption. Art of Self Rescue encourages these types of self examination.
I do not believe the greater concern is you discovering you’ve made a mistake and DELAYING it's correction.
I believe the greater concern is you not realizing that you have MADE a mistake.
Look for your own error and look for it first.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
Seriously.
If you cannot spend time alone, then you have a problem with you. If you need to fill that “alone time“ up with distractions, problems, other people, exercising, addictions, vices and projects… You. Are. Running. From. YOU.
There is no coaching, no goalsetting, no mantra and no ANYTHING that can help you so long as you remain WILLING to keep running from the truth about yourself.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
This is tough. Why? Because it’s a balancing act and Alphas are primarily way out of balance.
Maintaining your core values requires commitment and discipline and awareness. Embracing change requires trust, truth, courage and optimism.
Two totally different skill sets.
It means you can let your son cut his hair into a mohawk (creative change) but you require he gel it down to go to church or important functions with you (respect value).
Do not let your values make you soo rigid that you lose an opportunity to embrace a change that can bring you something good, even though you will experience some loss of control (gasp!).
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Stop effing explaining everything. Just stop.
Do you remember that song, “you say it best when you say nothing at all…"?
Silence can be used to SAY very powerful things. It is most often used to deliver a very difficult “No, I’m not on board”.
I teach my Alphas that you don’t need to give a backstory for your deepest feelings. It finishes them as a feeling to be “rationalized.”
So sometimes, just shutting up is the right reply.
P.S. Please take to heart my teaching from #6! If it IS a little dispute and you cannot DROP it emotionally - it is telling you that it's linked to something deep that is hurting you.
Listen. This is why a man not taking out the garbage when he agree to hurts. Its NOT about the garbage its about his word and his honoring YOUR priorities. See it? Watch out for "Little Disputes".
After her 2011 divorce, Tanya set out to learn WHY soo many marriages fail. She used what she learned to save her 2nd marriage and found her calling to Save
YOURS too.
She is a 22-year Divorce Lawyer, Founder of a High-Conflict Divorce Firm, Author of 'The Smart Guide to Life After Divorce', Mensa Member, Advanced Clinically Certified in Hypnotherapy, Metaphysics PhD Candidate, Spiritual Teacher, Speaker & Life Coach.
Her coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor.
Her greatest credential is finally separating Struggle from Success in Life & Marriage.
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